Fantasy Island 2018

Oh, happy day!  I plunked down my annual donation last night to purchase another grossly overpriced ($10) Fantasy Football magazine to help formulate my picks and strategy for the upcoming NFL season.  My fantasy football league’s annual player selection draft is coming up in less than two weeks.

My lovely wife surprisingly approves of this endeavor.  For a minimal annual investment, she knows that I will immerse myself into an in-depth review of prior season football statistics, the upcoming NFL football schedules for every team, how many games will each team play in domes or outside, overlooked players, undervalued rookies, and other mostly-useless ideas to spend the next five months focused on issues other than household-related matters.

This is my seventh season playing in one league.  In the first year, I emerged victorious as the league champion!  Since then, though, I should have changed my team’s name to “The Bottom Feeders” as my former champions have reached the fantasy league playoffs only twice in the subsequent six seasons.

Last year, I accidentally marked down the wrong day for our Yahoo! Sports Fantasy League draft night.  When that happens, the Yahoo! Sports computer will select the best available player for the absentee team owner.  After spending a few hours getting ready to pick my squad, I was less than happy that I missed draft night!

Until the regular season started, that is.  Yes, the computer’s selections were so good that my team actually led the league for much of the season until fading down the stretch.  After bowing out of the playoffs in the first round, it felt good to have fielded a competitive team again.  Thanks, IBM Watson!

Now, at this point, you’re likely saying, “Why don’t you let the computer draft your players every season?”  You have a good point.  After starting out strong last season, yours truly couldn’t help himself and started tinkering with success by adding/dropping marginal players in an effort to keep my team on top.  Based on the flagging results by season’s end, Wile E. Coyote would have been proud as I launched my team off yet another proverbial cliff.

This is the genius of NFL fantasy football.  Every guy and gal playing has the chance to be a team owner (put up the money – if any – and name your team), the team’s general manager (to evaluate talent and select the right mix of players for your team), and the head coach (make those critical weekly decisions of which players have earned the right to start or those who will sit on your bench).

It’s all about that testosterone-fueled desire to compete and vanquish your opponents on a weekly basis.  Since most of us don’t play the game anymore, this is a much safer alternative to feel a part of the game.

Some people like to put up some money to play in fantasy football leagues, but not me.  After one year of playing in a “serious” cash league, I quickly lost enjoyment of the game itself by knowing exactly how much money the other guy just made after watching an instant replay of HIS player scoring a touchdown on a dazzling 80-yard pass.

Other people like having a chance to earn a little money for their efforts (especially when playing my team!).  Whatever works for you.  My fantasy career has been, at best, a break-even proposition.

Draft night is always the most fun part of the fantasy football season.  Some are done in person, while others of us draft via a nifty online version.  I have found it quite handy to have my lovely spouse nearby to help mark-off the players chosen by other team owners before it’s my turn again.  She really likes to observe how the draft works, but she has no interest in the weekly grind of selecting the players for the upcoming game.

When you have two minutes (or less) on the clock to determine your next choice, each round is a test of your ability to stay focused and make adjustments based on the selections of your opponents.  If it sounds like a lot of stress, you are correct!

With last year’s relative success with the computer’s selection, it makes you wonder why the NFL’s habitual bottom feeders don’t just save a lot of money and fire their general manager and their overpaid scouts and just let IBM Watson make the picks?  If the Cleveland Browns spend yet another year at the bottom of the NFL standings, this idea might gain a lot of momentum from the long-suffering fan base along Lake Erie.

Best of luck with your upcoming season on Fantasy Island.  And remember…

“Smiles, everyone!  Smiles!”