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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!
Aaron Rodgers– will be named the NFL’s first player/coach in Green Bay as State Farm insures another title.
Le’Veon Bell– wherever he ends-up, a smaller helmet to accommodate his formerly swelled head.
Hue Jackson –a new job as an assistant coach working for Nick Saban as not even Jackson can derail the Tide.
Cleveland Browns fans – you’ve already received your present after Hue Jackson was fired.
Los Angeles Chargers – Finally, a trip to the Super Bowl for Philip Rivers against…
Drew Brees –to clinch top seed in the NFC this week so The WhoDat Nation will have all Saints playoff games played in a domed stadium.
Jerry Jones –to find another team dumb enough to trade a valuable wide receiver to help the Cowboys’ offense.
John Gruden –the keys to a set of moving vans to get the Raiders into Las Vegas a year earlier than expected.
Joe Flacco –a trade to the Jacksonville Jaguars and a chance to start over in a warmer climate.
Eli Manning –a call from his older brother, Peyton, advising him to retire and go into business with him.
Colin Kaepernick – a call from Vince McMahon advising he’s been drafted to play in the XFL in 2020…for the New York team…sponsored by Trump Hotels.
CBS’ Jim Nantz– a tranquilizer gun in the booth whenever Tony Romo starts his whiny high-pitched babbling again.
ESPN’s Booger McFarland – a warmer and drier seat inside the Monday Night Football booth next season as…
ESPN’s Jason Whitten – leaves ESPN to team-up with Fox Sports’ Troy Aikman to cover all Dallas Cowboys games next season as both of them yell, “How ‘Bout them Cowboys!” after every score.
College Football:
Alabama’s Nick Saban – a chance to host “Saturday Night Live”. He’s gotta be funnier than most of their hosts this season.
LSU’s Ed Orgeron – a Fred Flintstone tie to wear as he does his halftime interviews, “Geaux Tigers!”
Georgia’s Kirby Smart – a day off from play-calling next season if the Dawgs have to play Alabama again.
Nebraska’s Scott Frost – a “do-over” after his first season as head coach.
Kansas State former Coach Bill Snyder – a new hobby for his Saturday afternoons along with many happy years in his retirement.
University of Central Florida – a win over LSU in the Fiesta Bowl and a ticker-tape parade in Walt Disney World following their second consecutive National Championship as Ric “Woooo!” Flair is the guest MC for the parade.
North Dakota State Bison – another victory soon to earn their seventh national championship in eight seasons in the FCS and then challenges UCF to play them in next season’s inaugural “Rodney Dangerfield No-Respect Bowl” to be broadcast by FS1.